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Debbie's blog

Make the Decision, Light the Match, See the Light

"Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge." Don Henley

To burn a bridge means to be entirely done with something. It's an affirmative act which cannot be reversed.
 
I've been guilty of not burning bridges that should have been burnt. It's painful to end relationships or situations that no longer work. It's easier to bob along aimlessly in a state of dysfunction than make a clean break.
 
When I did manage to finally light the match, it was because of a simple realization: eventually everything must come to an end. It wasn't easy to admit that something I put a lot of myself in was over, but at least I could stop spending time and energy trying to resuscitate it. 
 
Also, with a bit of distance from the dysfunction I was able to ask myself questions. What was my part in why this didn't work? Why did I let myself feel trapped for as long as I did? What responsibilities did I fail to meet? Being on the other side gave me the space I needed to learn and grow from my mistakes.  

You're not done with something until you choose to be done with it. Make the decision, light the match and see the light.

Choosing to be done with something wakes us up. We get back to making choices. We take steps on our own behalf. We replace dysfunction with acceptance and clarity.

That "best light" you get from a burning bridge, that's enlightenment. Are there bridges in your life just begging to be burnt? What is the light illuminating for you about letting go and moving on?

Survival > Existence,

Related posts:

Seven Thoughts on Embracing Change

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Mindfulness & the All-Time Best Definition of Success

From my vault: I so love the following quote that it inspired me to create a poster to go with this blog post from my Mindful Monday series. You can download your free poster here.

"To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To give of one's self; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - This is to have succeeded."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

I read this quote and it stopped me short because I couldn't possibly come up with a better definition of success. As I read it again, it struck me that none of it is possible without mindfulness. 

Without a conscious awareness of what you are feeling or experiencing in the present moment how can you really laugh? Without mindfulness, how can you see all the beauty around you? How can you appreciate the best in others or know how best to give back for all you have been given? Without mindfulness, how can you enjoy your relationships and raise happy and healthy children?

Yesterday morning I awoke with nowhere to go and nothing pressing to do. The week before, including Saturday, had been incredibly busy. As I enjoyed being exactly where I was with no pressing thoughts it struck me that I rarely felt calm during the week. The reason - because I resist mindfulness in favor of "busyness."

We are all incredibly busy. But, Emerson's quote reminds me that "busyness" alone will never bring us the success of which he speaks. In fact, I'm starting to understand that a life based solely on "busyness" risks the opposite of success.

What is your definition of success? Have you found that a traumatic life experience has redefined success for you? Do you struggle with balancing "busyness" with mindfulness? Don't forget to download your free poster. 

Survival > Existence,

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Don't Start Chemotherapy Without This Guide

"If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires." Abigail Van Buren 

If you or someone you know is about to embark on chemotherapy, how helpful would it be to talk with someone who has gone through it? Would you have a little less fear after that person shared her experience with honesty and reassurance? Might you be a bit more prepared once you had answers from a survivor who stood in your shoes and successfully walked through the fire?

Reading "Getting Past the Fear, A guide to help you mentally prepare for chemotherapy," is like talking with an empathetic, experienced friend. That friend is Nancy Stordahl, breast cancer survivor and blogger, and her guide is written from patient to patient with intimacy and warmth.

Nancy's walked the walk and now she walks beside you to guide you through the process. Her book is conversational and leaves nothing unsaid:

  • Giving yourself permission to feel whatever you feel
  • How to ask for help
  • The importance of research and asking questions until you are satisfied
  • Questions to ask your oncologist
  • What it is like to lose your hair
  • The ins and outs of buying and wearing a wig
  • The necessity of taking care of yourself
  • Why you should consider journaling
  • Plan a getaway before chemo starts and have something to look forward to when it's complete
  • Paying attention to your partner's needs
  • What to expect the first day of chemo

I believe The Secret to Making Your Way on Your Cancer Journey is very simple: find support from a network of people who "get it." Nancy's book offers the gift of experience and compassion that only a seasoned veteran can give. If you or someone you care about is about to start this journey, I highly recommend picking up Nancy's guide here and reading it before you take another step.

Survival > Existence,

Related Posts:

Cancer Warriors Wednesday: Britta Aragon, Author, "When Cancer Hits"

Help is Here! The Guide to Navigating the Medical Maze

Product Review: CV Skinlabs Products for Sensitive Skin

(FTC Disclosure: I received this book for free from the author for this review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment. This review also contains affiliate links that compensate WhereWeGoNow should you make a purchase.)

Saying "Yes" to Creative Healing Beyond Cancer

I just discovered a New York Times article entitled, "Finding Poetry in Cancer," which explores the healing power of writing poetry about the cancer experience.
 
Written mostly by amateur poets, the verses are jarring, real and moving. One poet, Karin Miller, began writing poetry when her husband developed testicular cancer. Today, she curates the "Cancer Poetry Project anthologies. One poem is "Hymn to a Lost Breast," by Bonnie Maurer:
 
Oh let it fly
let it fling
let it flip like a pancake in the air
let it sing: what is the song
of one breast flapping?
 
Why do the poets find writing poetry healing? According to Ms. Miller, “They say it’s the thing that lets them get to the core of how they are feeling. It’s the simplicity of poetry, the bare bones of it, that helps them deal with their fears.”
 
I think any creative expression is healing. Two years ago today, I wrote my first blog post for WWGN. It was about saying "Yes" to myself after cancer.  As I wrote, "The creation of WhereWeGoNow is a direct result of learning to say "yes" and letting an idea breathe and grow – to see how far you can take it – or maybe how far it can take you. It’s an exciting and new experience for me and one which I am learning every day to just let happen."
 
Creativity is saying "yes" and letting an idea breathe and grow. Whether you write poetry, blog, paint or anything else, expressing yourself to the world heals what is broken. 
 
At the end of the NYT article is an invitation to the reader to share his or her cancer-inspired poem in the comment section. Over 100 poems were shared, and one was written by my friend Barbara. Her poem, like the passionate life she lives, is a testament to reinvention after cancer. She graciously allowed me to reprint "A Car Named "Rapunzl" below: 
 
A Car Named "Rapunzl"
 
So involved am I in trying to be a teacher, tutor, wife, mother, grandmother, friend
And trying to accomplish so much each day, I often forget how blessed I am.
Well, I have a gentle reminder: My car with a license plate “Rapunzl.”
I had to leave out the final vowel to have only 7 digits.
Often I see people looking at me quizzically
As I exit my car.
Obviously, with my short, gray hair
I resemble the original Rapunzel not at all.
I once heard one woman say to another when walking past my car in the library parking lot,
Who or what is “rapunzl?”
You would think they would know.
Another time a young woman timidly accosted me
To ask about my license plate.
I explained that not so long ago I was totally bald,
The result of aggressive chemotherapy
Which killed all my hair follicles,
As well as the cancer cells.
When my hair began to grow back,
My husband, who had constantly reassured me during the treatment
That he didn’t marry me for my hair, eyebrows, or eyelashes,
Began calling me “Rapunzel.”
We agreed that such a new license plate would make me smile
Each time I got into or out of the car
And make me realize how fortunate I am.
The woman became teary-eyed after hearing the story of my car named Rapunzl.
 
Have you written poetry about cancer? Let me know in the comment section below if you've dabbled with poetry and, if so, what you wrote about.
 
Survival > Existence,
 

Related posts:

Well Here Goes Nothing.....

One Year Anniversary of WWGN!

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