Debbie's blog

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I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. Gilda Radner

I recently posted the above quote from Gilda Radner on my Facebook page, WhereWeGoNow as Cancer Survivors. A lot of people liked and shared it. I guess you could say it hit a nerve.

That made me think about how touched I was by Gilda's honest and moving memoir, "It's Always Something." I found an old copy of Gilda's book at a garage sale a few months after my second reconstructive surgery. I had heard a lot about it and wanted to read it, but was a bit afraid. I knew how it ended. When I stumbled upon it, I figured it was meant to be in my hands and I paid the 50 cents.  

Gilda originally intended to write a collection of comedic observations, but she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and the book took another turn. Instead, she takes us on her journey through active cancer treatment. The overwhelming effects on her body, mind and soul, and on her family and friends are all there. I couldn't put the book down and read it in a day. Primarily, it spoke to me of transformation - learning to let go of expectations and living life as it is being dealt to you.

The strength, vulnerability and hope of this book makes it a guide for everyone living with cancer - or any other life changing transformation. Gilda's was the first voice that spoke to me of mindfulness and living in the present. Her acceptance didn't come easily and can best be attributed to the support she got from other patients and survivors at The Wellness Community, which is now officially merged with Gilda's Club and known as the Cancer Support Community. Although I had been initially afraid to read a book about dying, her memoir is in truth a powerful book about living.

If you're interested in reading this unforgettable memoir you don't have to wait to find an old copy at a garage sale. "It's Always Something: Twentieth Anniversary Edition" is available at Amazon. (Amazon associates link.) I guarantee you will fall in love with Gilda's warmth, strength and thank her, as I do, for leaving behind this breadcrumbs trail for the rest of us to follow.

"The goal is to live a full, productive life even with all that ambiguity. No matter what happens, whether the cancer never flares up again or whether you die, the important thing is that the days that you have had you will have lived." Gilda Radner

When I was in high school, I had a girlfriend who joined me in marathon talking sessions. We could go on and on for hours. I'm a lot older now and a lot busier, as is every one I know. The truth is though, I still need to take the time to talk with my women friends once in a while.

My husband gave me a gift certificate to a spa for my birthday almost a year ago. I should have redeemed it earlier, but I just couldn't get excited about it. (Weird, I know.) Finally, I was talking with a girlfriend I meet for coffee on a regular basis. The spa came up and we got all excited about making a girls' day out of it. We would go together and then have lunch. We picked a day and cleared our calendars. That day is today and after I post this, I'm turning off my computer for the rest of the day. Heaven!

Last week I met with several friends and I am still basking in the glow of shared connections. On Wednesday, I traveled to New York City with Lockey and Sarah to attend a Working Women's Luncheon. There was a lot of networking and sharing, but the best part was spending time with friends who share their enthusiasm to change the world with their work.

On Friday, I met with my friend Luci Weston, who writes a great life and style blog for women. We hadn't seen each other since last summer. She is one of only two bloggers I've met in person (the other is world traveler Terri Wingham of A Fresh Chapter.) We have so much to talk about and I always leave our conversations energized and rededicated to building WhereWeGoNow.

Luci recently issued a Friend A Day Challenge on her blog, Here We Are ... with Luci. In it she reminds us how important it is to make time for our friends. I'm glad she and I made time for each other last week. It was time richly spent and we vowed to stay in touch on a regular basis.

When it comes to friends, my truth is very simple. My friends strengthen, energize and inspire me to be my better self. It definitely takes time to have a friend and it takes time to be a friend. If you're feeling too busy to be a friend, remember that friendship, like exercise, a healthy diet and rest, rejuvenates and revitalizes us. We can't be our best without friendship any more than we can be our best without sleep. Take the time to be a friend, and the many benefits of friendship will elevate your life and your work.

To all of my WWGN friends, here and on Facebook and Twitter, thank you for joining me on this journey. I wish you all a spa day, lunch, long phone call, or coffee/tea with a good friend. It really is true that "A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature." Ralph Waldo Emerson

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“To those whom much is given, much is expected.” John F. Kennedy

For those of us with safe, comfortable homes much has truly been given. Our gratitude propels us to give back, but sometimes we don't know how. I just learned about a horrible statistic with an easy, inexpensive fix that I have to share with you.

Did you know that a child dies every 45 second from malaria? Malaria is spread by mosquitos and a $10.00 mosquito net is the solution to ending this scourge in Africa by 2015. 

What can you do? Simple. Buy a book. The book is End Malaria: Bold Innovation, Limitless Generosity, and the Opportunity to Save a Life. 

End Malaria offers selections from 62 contributors, including Brene Brown, Tom Peters, Nicholas Carr, Pam Slim and Sir Ken Robinson. It's organized into three main sections - Focus, Courage, Resilience - and eight subsections - Tap Your Strengths, Create Freedom, Love & Be Kind, Disrupt Normal, Take Small Steps, Embrace Systems, Get Physical, Collaborate. All essays in End Malaria seek to "inspire readers to look within themselves for solutions to their everyday dilemmas and for motivation to realize their desires."

The book costs $25, with $20 going to the cause to buy two nets. ($5.00 covers the production costs.) If you buy the Kindle version, the cost is $20 and the entirety goes to the purchase of two nets. You can only get the book from Amazon which, along with the contributors and publisher, is making no profit on the book.

Thank you to Brene Brown who alerted me to this fabulous opportunity to give back and from whom I stole the title, "Buy a book. Save a life." (If you haven't already discovered Brene's blog and her wonderful books on vulnerability and shame, don't go another day without getting to know her.)  I've already downloaded my copy of End Malaria on my Kindle Fire. It feels good to know that, because of me, two more mosquito nets will be sent to a family in need.

If you are interested in this opportunity to give back and buy the book, please let me know. I'd love to hear that a few more nets made their way to Africa because of our community.

(Disclaimer: Amazon associates links, but, like everyone else, I will not make any money on the End Malaria book or Kindle edition.) 

(If you received this post via email, please click on the link to view the video.)

As a graduate of Look Good ... Feel Better, I want to share this with you because I've experienced the power of LGFB. Initially, I didn't think it would help me feel better because I didn't have chemotherapy or radiation. I felt ugly when I looked at my naked body, which no amount of make-up would fix. I was about to be proven wrong.

Sitting in a room with other women, many wearing scarves and wigs, I felt out of place. My survivor's guilt really kicked in when it was assumed I had chemotherapy because of the length of my hair, which has been short since high school. As a Stage 0, DCIS cancer patient, I didn't want anyone to think I suffered more than I had. Despite my mastectomy and TRAM flap reconstruction, without the chemotherapy and hair loss experience, I felt like an outsider.

The instructor walked us through make-up application and the conversation flowed freely. As we talked and shared, we became girls enjoying girly things. I fit right in. Then the group encouraged the woman sitting next to me to take off her wig for the first time in public. Because I genuinely liked short hair, I was very sincere when I assured her how chic she looked.

Sharing such an intense moment drew us all into a sacred, caring circle - to which I definitely belonged. It was one of the first experiences that taught me I was not alone. It also was the first time I used my cancer experience in order to help someone else. For more on that part of the story, read my earlier post about that day here. 

If you or someone you know is going through treatment, let them know about the Look Good .. Feel Better program. Do you have a Look Good ... Feel Better story to share?