Maya Angelou said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” The healing power of sharing my cancer story compelled me to found WhereWeGoNow for survivors creating inspired healing, wellness and live out loud joy. I'm also a blogger at The Huffington Post, an inspirational speaker, a support volunteer with Cancer Hope Network, a member of the Carol G. Simon Cancer Center Oncology Community Advisory Board, a patient educator with Pathways Women’s Cancer Teaching Project, an interior decorator, a wife and mother, and a former very stressed out lawyer. Learn more about WWGN and me here.
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If life beyond cancer and meditation has taught me anything, it's the importance of living in the present moment. I'm not always there, believe me. I am often reliving the past or planning the future, but I'm working on it.
As this moment is the third day of a three-day weekend, I have to ask myself, "What am I doing on the computer?" This is officially a weekend day to be with my husband and children, who are going back to school in just two more days. I should be relaxing, but I have a problem making myself do that. I definitely need to take time to stop and smell the flowers, yet here I sit.
So, I'm going to make this Meditation Monday post short and sweet. Setting an intention really helps place yourself in the moment. One of my favorites is the chant: Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu. Loosely translated, it means, “May the entire Universe be filled with Peace and Joy, Love and Light.”
I will be meditating today by simply being. I will plug in to the people around me. For today, I will forego virtual social contact for actual contact. I will be present and unrushed. I will laugh and share and I will connect. I will consider work a four letter word to be avoided until tomorrow, when it all begins again. And I will be glad for the opportunity to live in the present with the people I love the most. If I can do that, then the Universe, or at least my little piece of it, will truly be filled with Peace and Joy, Love and Light.
To all my American friends, Happy Labor Day! To all of my many friends throughout the world, have a wonderful day and talk with you tomorrow.
Talk about an uninvited knock at the door! Last week, while I was trying to practice the “Gracious Declining” meditation practice of visualizing a rambling thought as an “uninvited salesperson, knocking on your door,” we had an earthquake, hurricane and a few small tornados here on the East Coast.
I have to admit that the prospect of Hurricane Irene bearing down really freaked me out. Heeding all the warnings and preparing for the worst (days stuck in the house without electricity, a tree falling through my roof) didn’t quell my fears. If anything, all the constant news coverage and discussion made it worse.
In reality, we experienced a lot of water and heavy wind, but didn't lose power. The winds were heaviest after the rains, and caused a large limb from one of our trees to come crashing down onto the front yard. (It missed the house, but crushed my poor purple plum tree.) Given all the flooding and damage to so many neighboring communities and throughout the East Coast, we were very lucky and grateful we escaped with so little damage.
I’ve learned there are two types of people in the world: those who expect the best, and those who expect the worst. I am a member of the latter group. Some people I know are amazingly optimistic despite a personal history that would suggest otherwise. The rest of us take our personal history and create an expectation: if something bad happened to me before, it can happen again.
What does this have to do with meditation? Between vacation and the natural disasters of last week, my daily meditation practice has been sporadic at best. Vacation was filled with happy distractions, but last week was filled with fear. As my fear increased, I finally managed enough mindfulness to ask myself, "Why are you so emotional?" Just asking the question brought the answer: The uncertainty of a hurricane is not unlike the uncertainty of going through cancer. I'm getting sucked again into a world of unknown conditions, with no way of knowing how well I will fare. Making it worse, not only am I afraid of losing control, but my fear is exacerbated by the familiarity of losing it again. I'm right back in that place, riding that emotional rollercoaster.
My oncology therapist told me that I have the emotional memory of an elephant. What I remember, I feel. I am still like that elephant and always will be. But now, because of therapy and meditation, I am a more mindful elephant. I still re-experience the emotions of what I remember, but I am getting better at mindfully looking at what I am doing. That mindfulness creates the moment of calm I need to break the cycle and the fear diminishes. Not to say it disappears, because it doesn't, but there is relief.
I keep remembering that man I saw in the shoe department peacefully meditating, while shopping women swirled around him. I am not that able a meditator. I am, however, able to recognize the rambling, emotional mind when it seizes me by the throat. Ironically, having cancer both increased my fears and gave me the tools to deal with them. I've learned various techniques, such as Watching Your Breath, Naked Sound Meditation, Noting Body Sensations, This Magic Moment, and Gracious Declining. More importantly, I've learned to keep at it, because even a far from perfect meditation practice is better than no practice at all and serves me well when I need it most.
This week, because of all the interruptions, I'm going to stick with Gracious Declining, rather than moving on to the next technique. Here's a repeat of the process, because I know I could sure use a refresher:
1. Find a comfortable position, upright, but not tense.
2. Set your timer to eight minutes.
3. Close your eyes.
4. Allow your body to relax and rest your attention on your breath.
5. When a thought wafts through your mind, visualize it as an “uninvited salesperson, knocking on your door.”
6. Be aware that the thought is demanding your attention, but you can graciously decline to grant it that attention and send it on its way.
7. Return your attention to your breath. When another thought comes knocking, recognize it as uninvited and again, graciously decline and send it on its way.
I'm hoping for a little more peace this week, but I will be thinking and sending blessings to all of the people dealing with Hurricane Irene's aftermath. Please let me know how you're doing with your meditation practice and, if you are one of the millions of people Irene dropped in on this weekend, please let me know how you are coping. Namaste!
If you ever want to put your meditation practice to the test, take it on the road for a family vacation. Make sure you plan an eight to nine hour car ride through heavy traffic areas. Oh, and make sure at least two teenagers are in the backseat squabbling over boundary lines every few minutes. Then, when you get to your destination, put same teenagers, yourself and your spouse into one hotel room for a week. At mealtime, try to find agreement as to where and what to eat.
My vacation week coincided with week four of 8 Minute Meditation - Quiet Your Mind. Change Your Life, by Victor Davich. (Amazon associates link) I was practicing the “This Magic Moment” meditation technique. For each unwanted thought that wandered across my mind while I was meditating, I labeled it “past” or “future” and released it so as to be in the present moment.
Now, when you’re on vacation with three other people in a hotel room and on the go most of the day, it’s hard to find a quiet place to meditate in the traditional sense. I’m not comfortable assuming the lotus position, hands resting on my knees and maintaining blissful obliviousness while chaos reigns around me. (I saw a man doing this once in the women’s shoe department of Lord & Taylor. I was impressed and amused. How the heck did he maintain such amazing focus? More importantly, if he could teach that focus to other men stuck in the shoe department with their significant others, he’d be revered as a guru.)
Because I was on the go and had little to no privacy, I meditated wherever and whenever I could. At the pool, when I put down my magazine and closed my eyes, I focused on the sounds around me. In the car, when I could have lost it and made tensions worse, I was silent and breathed. While I was getting a facial, I focused on the smells and sensations. When a thought tried to intrude, it was quickly labeled “past” or “future” and sent on its way.
Each meditation technique I’ve practiced over the past four weeks, Watching Your Breath, Naked Sound Meditation, Noting Body Sensations, and This Magic Moment, came to my rescue when I needed it. At first, I felt frustrated that I couldn’t meditate the same way I did at home. It didn’t take me long to realize, however, that my meditation practice isn’t meant to be rigid – I’m not training with the Olympic meditation team here. Using the technique that worked, at the moment it was needed, reduced my stress and kept me calm. Once I was calm, relaxation was a short step away and I was able to really enjoy the rough and tumble of all that togetherness. We had a great time!
Week five in the book is dedicated to “Gracious Declining” meditation. The focus is on easily recognizing and stopping rambling thought streams. This is a quick outline of the process:
1. Find a comfortable position, upright, but not tense.
2. Set your timer to eight minutes.
3. Close your eyes.
4. Allow your body to relax and rest your attention on your breath.
5. When a thought wafts through your mind, visualize it as an “uninvited salesperson, knocking on your door.”
6. Be aware that the thought is demanding your attention, but you can graciously decline to grant it that attention and send it on its way.
7. Return your attention to your breath. When another thought comes knocking, recognize it as uninvited and again, graciously decline and send it on its way.
I’m finding as the weeks go on that I’m falling into whatever technique works for me at the moment. I feel I’ve learned a lot and the program is only half completed! Please let me know how it’s been going for you and specifically how you’ve applied what you’ve learned to the reality of your everyday life.
It’s been an interesting ride through the weekly sessions of 8 Minute Meditation - Quiet Your Mind. Change Your Life, by Victor Davich. (Amazon associates link) I thought adopting the eight minute a day, eight week program wouldn’t be that difficult, given the small time commitment. Why have I resisted doing it to the degree that I have? I accept completely the benefits of meditation and quieting my mind, but for some reason, my mind just doesn’t want to be quieted. What’s going on here?
I’ve really enjoyed each of the meditation practices when I’ve done them. I’ve tried Watching Your Breath, Naked Sound Meditation, and Noting Body Sensations. I also made up my own visualization technique, “fallow field meditation.” I had some real successes, like when the phone rang and I kept meditating and breathing. I’ve felt the peace and awareness of letting my mind empty. I just haven’t let myself experience it enough.
I’m realizing that meditation is not just about technique. It’s about value. Do I value myself when I am still? Do I value myself when I’m not “producing?” Do I value quiet, rest and healing? Can I value these things and still be a productive person? Just asking myself these questions, reveals a lot. That's funny, because even not meditating is teaching me about myself.
This is week four in the book. It’s time for “This Magic Moment" meditation. The focus is on maintaining consciousness in the present moment. This is a quick outline of the process:
1. Find a comfortable position, upright, but not tense.
2. Set your timer to eight minutes.
3. Close your eyes.
4. Allow your body to relax.
5. When a thought wafts through your mind, label it as either “past” or “future.”
6. As the thought floats away, notice the space around them - that's the silence you need.
7. Don't fret if your mind attaches itself to a thought. Just gently release it and allow, allow, allow.
I like this meditation, because most thoughts are nothing more than "past" or "present," despite the fact that the only real moment is the here and now. Please join me in meditation and let me know how your practice is going.
