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The Never-Ending Cancer Guilt Trip

As my gynecologist’s nurse struggled to explain why my mammogram was suspicious without once using the word 'cancer,' it slowly dawned on me that she was carefully measuring her every word to fend off panic.

People expect fear to ignite when cancer enters the picture. Of course I was afraid, but it wasn't fear that motivated me to do what I did next. I hung up the phone resolved to handle this alone.

Rather than immediately calling my husband, my plan was to return to the breast center for additional testing in secret. I absolutely needed his support, but I couldn't bear the thought of causing my spouse of 21 years the worry that phone call caused me. Like it or not, I was going to stay mum until I knew more.

Best case scenario, I would go to the breast center, get good news and tell him after the fact. Worst case scenario — well, I didn't actually have a plan for that.

A few days later while my husband was at work and our children were at school, I snuck back to the breast center. I was lying by omission and didn’t feel good about it, but being both the bearer of bad news and its cause riddled me with tremendous guilt.

It didn’t go well . . . Read more here.

Survival > Existence, 

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