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I heard that if you have a bodily weakness, the chemo goes right there, and so it did. I had an arthritic knee which became much more painful during chemo. Last week I had a total knee replacement, a week at rehab, and I'm now doing amazingly well. I think after the lumpectomy surgery, chemo, radiation, numerous infections,lmphedema, neuropathy, etc., this surgery was a "piece of cake." When I saw the people around me in rehab recuperating from strokes, heart surgery, car accidents, etc.,I counted my blessings. So many people in rehab commented on my smile and positive attitude which, I know, come from having had cancer and gratitude for being alive. Yes, I have pain in my knee and months of physical therapy ahead, but I know each day the pain will lesson and I will feel better. Friends and family have been visiting, calling, e-mailing, and I really appreciate all the wonderful people in my life. Life is good.
I used to enjoy walking, dancing, skiing, exercising, but an arthritic knee prevented me from doing these activities, and I have been gaining weight through the years.
In order to let anyone take care of me, I had to learn to trust that they would actually take care of me.... Sounds easy, right? Not for me. In my pre-cancer life, I was a do-it-myself girl. No one was able to help me out with anything. I never even realized that I do this!! I finally figured it out one day while I was crying in my car. Once I did, I tried out "vulnerability". I didn't like it and I still don't like it, but now I know how good it feels to let people support me and that beats doing it on my own any day!!
Going through my cancer was tough to say the least. Learning that I rarely allowed people to take care of me was the real lesson. Family members and friends would ask if they could drive me to appointments or treatment all the time. I would always politely decline, make a joke about having some time to myself then sit in the car and cry because I was going to another appointment alone. After beating my head against that wall enough times, it finally sank in that it would be okay to let someone take care of me. In order to let someone else support me, I would actually have to trust in them.