When cancer hits, our mental health is not the first thing we think about. Instead, we focus on our body and the decisions, treatments and healing necessary to move it through the ordeal. Only later, when the smoke clears, does our mental health move to the forefront.

For the first six and a half months of my cancer ordeal, the time from my mammogram to mastectomy, the only attention my mental health got was access to a guided imagery CD. After my surgery, the calvary rode in in the form of oncology therapists. We met once a week for a year and it was exhausting, grueling and often deeply upsetting, but I kept going back.

What did I learn? I learned the value of showing up and "doing the work." I learned to talk, cry, rant, question, consider, listen and cry some more. I learned to value my mental health and not be ashamed to ask for help dealing with depression, anger and stress. 

I also came to see the brave survivor in me - the woman who has faced many of life's losses and upheavals - only one of which is cancer. I learned to cherish that survivor and celebrate her accomplishments. I learned to love her spirit. I learned, as Marie Ennis O'Connor writes in her recent blog post, to come out from behind "The Mask."

From that foundation - for which I will be forever grateful to my therapists - I've gone on to work toward creating an inspired survivorship. I've found that the mind/body/spirit balance turns up the volume on life. That's why I envision WhereWeGoNow expanding beyond cancer survivorship and providing an inspirational community to survivors of all traumas. What we all have in common is that we are all survivors of something.  

Healing our mental health is every bit as important as healing physically. If cancer has taught me anything, it's taught me the value of prioritizing our mental health to create an inspired survivorship. 

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I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. Gilda Radner

I recently posted the above quote from Gilda Radner on my Facebook page, WhereWeGoNow as Cancer Survivors. A lot of people liked and shared it. I guess you could say it hit a nerve.

That made me think about how touched I was by Gilda's honest and moving memoir, "It's Always Something." I found an old copy of Gilda's book at a garage sale a few months after my second reconstructive surgery. I had heard a lot about it and wanted to read it, but was a bit afraid. I knew how it ended. When I stumbled upon it, I figured it was meant to be in my hands and I paid the 50 cents.  

Gilda originally intended to write a collection of comedic observations, but she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and the book took another turn. Instead, she takes us on her journey through active cancer treatment. The overwhelming effects on her body, mind and soul, and on her family and friends are all there. I couldn't put the book down and read it in a day. Primarily, it spoke to me of transformation - learning to let go of expectations and living life as it is being dealt to you.

The strength, vulnerability and hope of this book makes it a guide for everyone living with cancer - or any other life changing transformation. Gilda's was the first voice that spoke to me of mindfulness and living in the present. Her acceptance didn't come easily and can best be attributed to the support she got from other patients and survivors at The Wellness Community, which is now officially merged with Gilda's Club and known as the Cancer Support Community. Although I had been initially afraid to read a book about dying, her memoir is in truth a powerful book about living.

If you're interested in reading this unforgettable memoir you don't have to wait to find an old copy at a garage sale. "It's Always Something: Twentieth Anniversary Edition" is available at Amazon. (Amazon associates link.) I guarantee you will fall in love with Gilda's warmth, strength and thank her, as I do, for leaving behind this breadcrumbs trail for the rest of us to follow.

"The goal is to live a full, productive life even with all that ambiguity. No matter what happens, whether the cancer never flares up again or whether you die, the important thing is that the days that you have had you will have lived." Gilda Radner

When I was in high school, I had a girlfriend who joined me in marathon talking sessions. We could go on and on for hours. I'm a lot older now and a lot busier, as is every one I know. The truth is though, I still need to take the time to talk with my women friends once in a while.

My husband gave me a gift certificate to a spa for my birthday almost a year ago. I should have redeemed it earlier, but I just couldn't get excited about it. (Weird, I know.) Finally, I was talking with a girlfriend I meet for coffee on a regular basis. The spa came up and we got all excited about making a girls' day out of it. We would go together and then have lunch. We picked a day and cleared our calendars. That day is today and after I post this, I'm turning off my computer for the rest of the day. Heaven!

Last week I met with several friends and I am still basking in the glow of shared connections. On Wednesday, I traveled to New York City with Lockey and Sarah to attend a Working Women's Luncheon. There was a lot of networking and sharing, but the best part was spending time with friends who share their enthusiasm to change the world with their work.

On Friday, I met with my friend Luci Weston, who writes a great life and style blog for women. We hadn't seen each other since last summer. She is one of only two bloggers I've met in person (the other is world traveler Terri Wingham of A Fresh Chapter.) We have so much to talk about and I always leave our conversations energized and rededicated to building WhereWeGoNow.

Luci recently issued a Friend A Day Challenge on her blog, Here We Are ... with Luci. In it she reminds us how important it is to make time for our friends. I'm glad she and I made time for each other last week. It was time richly spent and we vowed to stay in touch on a regular basis.

When it comes to friends, my truth is very simple. My friends strengthen, energize and inspire me to be my better self. It definitely takes time to have a friend and it takes time to be a friend. If you're feeling too busy to be a friend, remember that friendship, like exercise, a healthy diet and rest, rejuvenates and revitalizes us. We can't be our best without friendship any more than we can be our best without sleep. Take the time to be a friend, and the many benefits of friendship will elevate your life and your work.

To all of my WWGN friends, here and on Facebook and Twitter, thank you for joining me on this journey. I wish you all a spa day, lunch, long phone call, or coffee/tea with a good friend. It really is true that "A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature." Ralph Waldo Emerson

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